God is a creator, not a duplicator.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. - Isaiah 43:19

God is a creator, not a duplicator. 
I heard this recently, though I don't remember who said it or in what context. But, boy, did I need it.

I was baptized at five having no idea what that meant. I did Awanas, VBS, and all that good ol' church stuff, but I actually met Jesus my freshmen year of high school when I encountered His amazing love and grace and everything changed. Sophomore year was amazing for me: I woke up every morning and spent time with the Lord. My relationships with friends were stellar, I had a sweet boyfriend, I saw God heal me of many past hurts, and it was overall a wonderful, beautiful, happy year. 

So junior year would be just as great, right? It turns out school is hard. College is scary. Relationships end. Bodies don't always work the way they should. Disappointments and responsibilities hit you right in the face. Just when you think you've got it all together you realize you haven't even thought about about God in a week, not to mention praying or reading the Bible.

Honesty time:
I walked into this summer doubting. How can God love me? I'm really bad at this whole Christian thing. Will I ever be able to get my crap together again? I mean it obviously depends on me and whether I can have a quiet time every morning and only listen to Christian music, right? I was striving after this past season of life that had been a great blessing but that I had romanticized into something I could never duplicate. It left me tired and restless, questioning what I was doing wrong.

But it turns out it doesn't depend on me. It. doesn't. have. anything. to. do. with. me. God chose me. He loves me. He has saved me. He stands by me and is faithful to me even when I run from Him. He carries me, covers me, and has a plan for me. Freshman year, sophomore year, and the summers in between were great, but they are only a part of that plan. And if I keep looking back I miss the new things God is doing right now. God had a plan for this past year too but I missed it. I don't want that to happen again. I had this moment of feeling like God said to me in a stern, yet loving way, "You just missed what I wanted for you. I want to create something new in you, not just re-do what I already did". 

Praise God for giving second chances! Although I realized I had been doing everything wrong, I also realized how to do it right. I need to be present. That phrase is used so much that it's pretty empty, but really think about it. Be present. If we quit obsessing over the past (whether great or horrible) and just chose to live today, things would be quite different. "Give us today our daily bread", not yesterday's stale, moldy bread. There is fresh new bread for today. There is grace and adventure and joy in today. Instead of trying to force Him into my own agenda for my life, I want to submit completely to His plan for me. God wants to work a new thing in my life and I don't want to miss it.
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Being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes. - Romans 10:3 

For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. - Romans 3:26

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
    from him comes my salvation.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. - Psalm 62:1

the storytelling face//another little project

A New Year's resolution of sorts--a bit early because of all the fun stuff around the holidays. A challenge-- to find joy and beauty in the mundane, the simple, the everyday.

When I was little I had a toy film camera and all I did was take pictures of the ceiling. Like dozens of pictures of the ceiling. Also feet and legs (I was short). If that's not capturing a mundane moment on film, I don't know what is. Thankfully I've progressed past my ceiling photo days- not by very much though. 



You know that face your best friend always makes when she can't stop laughing? The way your dad flaps his arms around when he is telling a story? The stupid dance your sister does that nearly makes you pee your pants? Those things never get captured on camera, and if they do it's on an iPhone. In most pictures we end up hidden behind a fake smile and a pose with one arm wrapped around our friend and the other on our hip trying to get the perfect Instagram. I'm guilty of it.

 I absolutely love it when someones face tells the story. I want to capture moments, and not on an iPhone. I want to capture laughs and real smiles and quirks that are unique to different people. I want to capture little simple moments: coffee with friends, quiet mornings, sunsets, the way the sun shines throughout the trees. I want to take pictures of real, living people and the joy in their lives. I want to document life and the way God is shaping it and growing it and use this as a way to be thankful for the little things He gives us.

Now if this means me carrying around my stinking huge SLR camera, so be it. If you see me walking around at some point holding a giant camera, this is why. If your see me take a picture, act normal. Do your thing, girl. Just go with it. I want to see you be you. However, if you don't really know me and I start taking pictures of you, you have complete permission to tell me that's creepy and you don't want some rando chick creeping on you. But I promise that I won't do that. 

- impact is not a necessity, Jesus is -

I scribbled this in my journal about a week ago. I've been all over the place lately, quite literally. But also, my heart's been a bit restless. Usually summer is a huge time of growth for me and this summer wasn't lining up exactly with that expectation (I was growing, just not seeing it). Up until this past week everything has felt like a whole lot of "God, I really need You. I'm just barely getting through and not a whole lot makes sense right now and I just really need You". I've been humbled. I've been shown my complete and utter dependence upon God and His promises. I really need Him. I've had to wrestle with that though. I wanted to do what He wanted me to --- but on my own. Like a toddler who does what her father tells her to do but thinks she can do it alone, I (try to) do what my Father tells me to do but I think I can do it all by myself. But I can't. I now know I can't. I need God's power and the His Spirit in me to obey Him fully.


Beth Redman recently tweeted "The impact God wants you to have does not come when we pursue impact, but when we pursue God". That hit me in a moment when I was having serious "impact withdrawals". There are seasons when we are the center of attention and everyone loves us and we feel like we're touching peoples' lives and those where we find ourselves pushed to the side and begin to feel a bit neglected and not very useful. I was in the latter kind of season and not too happy about it. So I'd been striving to have everyone like me. I'd been trying to make people listen to what I had to say.  I'd been pursuing impact. That's when that statement in my journal came to be. 


In the Gospels (Matthew 3:17) when Jesus is baptized God speaks over Him, "This my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased". And you know what is the coolest thing ever? In Christ, my Father says "This is my beloved child, with whom I am well pleased". He is well pleased with me! The Creator of the entire universe who holds everything together in every moment is well pleased with broken, selfish, messed up me! This gives me so much freedom. My Father satisfies my desire for approval. I don't need to please people. God doesn't call me to control everything or be the center of attention or get everyone to like me but to love everyone, show everyone His love, and to know and seek Him. I need Him. And I need to show His love. I'm always in wonder at His love. He's so good to me. And here's something I've learned: When we pursue God over impact, He gives us impact in His time and for His glory. Which is the best ever. Watching Him work is so so exciting. His plans and His Spirit are too cool. 

normal life + comfort from pain

Today has been a contentment-filled day. My days now are looking much more calm and slow, just the way I like it. Back to normal life. And I am so thankful. I am thankful for my coffee in the morning and those precious moments as I prepare my heart for the day. I am thankful for prayer, that God hears me, and that He answers. I am thankful for friends and thankful that I get to share life with them. I am thankful for pain. I am thankful for the seasons that overflow with tears and feel like they won't end, that they can't end. Because they do. And those seasons create testimonies. Examples of how Father is so very faithful.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.  

2 Corinthians 1:3-5

He's the source of all comfort. He gives me comfort in times of pain and hopelessness so that I can give that comfort to others. So I can encourage them. So I can say, "I've been there". So if you're there right now, look up. Look to the testimony. The story that will be yours to share once it's over. The comfort to share. There is even greater comfort in the sharing. 

- let us press on to know the Lord -

I'll be honest, in the past week or so I haven't been feeling the Lord. I haven't felt as absolutely, deeply in love with Jesus as I have in the past couple months. Normally every morning He reveals so much truth to me to as I feel His presence but it just hasn't been there. But you know what He has revealed to me? My feelings do not change Him. They just don't. He is constant no matter how my emotions are. Instead of being led by my emotions, to be led by His Spirit is so much more fulfilling for me and glorifying to Him.

Let us know; let us press on to know the Lord;

    His going out is sure as the dawn;

He will come to us as the showers,

    as the spring rains that water the earth.

Hosea 6:3 (ESV)

We’re ready to study God,

    eager for God-knowledge. As sure as dawn breaks, so sure is His daily arrival. He comes as rain comes, as spring rain refreshing the ground.

Hosea 6:3 (MSG)

This verse is packed with so much truth. Let us press on to know the Lord. That "pressing on" happens at times we think are inconvenient. When He calls you to put down whatever you're doing and just draw near to Him. In the the morning in the silence of the dawn, earlier than you'd ever want to be awake, seeking His presence until His arrival. His daily arrival. But we must obey Him. That little tug at your soul--- "Come sit with Me a while and seek me. Let me reveal Myself to You. Press on to know Me.". That tug is His Spirit and those seemingly inconvenient times are opportunities to obey and to be led by the Spirit. He wants to reveal Himself to you. Press on. 


P.S. --- If you haven't read Hosea, do. I read it for the first time about a month ago waiting at the doctor's office (random...) and it blessed me so much. So much symbolism in the relationship between Hosea and Gomer. Oh, I do love me some symbolism. 

- the good portion -

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:38-42

I am such a Martha. I'm the one cleaning up. The one trying to impress everyone with how perfect my life looks from the outside. I want people to like me. And for some reason in my mind that translates to perfection. Outfits. Decorating my room. My car being perfectly clean all the time. My handwriting being "cute". Instagram likes. Retweets. I am anxious and troubled about many things. 

This morning the Lord pointed me to this little story about Mary and Martha. When God put this in the Bible, He knew it would be convicting for so many women. I think it resonates so much with us because so many of us are chronic Marthas. We feel like we have to do everything and do it perfectly. But all that is required of us is to come near to Jesus. He tells OCD Martha that only one thing is necessary.

nec·es·sar·y

absolutely needed; required to be done, achieved, or present; essential.

Sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening to His teaching is absolutely needed. It is required to be done. It is essential. Everything else falls away but Jesus and He holds us to a standard of grace, not perfection. He loves us on our worst days. He accepts us, not because of anything we do to impress Him, but because that's just how He is. He is love.