God is a creator, not a duplicator.

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. - Isaiah 43:19

God is a creator, not a duplicator. 
I heard this recently, though I don't remember who said it or in what context. But, boy, did I need it.

I was baptized at five having no idea what that meant. I did Awanas, VBS, and all that good ol' church stuff, but I actually met Jesus my freshmen year of high school when I encountered His amazing love and grace and everything changed. Sophomore year was amazing for me: I woke up every morning and spent time with the Lord. My relationships with friends were stellar, I had a sweet boyfriend, I saw God heal me of many past hurts, and it was overall a wonderful, beautiful, happy year. 

So junior year would be just as great, right? It turns out school is hard. College is scary. Relationships end. Bodies don't always work the way they should. Disappointments and responsibilities hit you right in the face. Just when you think you've got it all together you realize you haven't even thought about about God in a week, not to mention praying or reading the Bible.

Honesty time:
I walked into this summer doubting. How can God love me? I'm really bad at this whole Christian thing. Will I ever be able to get my crap together again? I mean it obviously depends on me and whether I can have a quiet time every morning and only listen to Christian music, right? I was striving after this past season of life that had been a great blessing but that I had romanticized into something I could never duplicate. It left me tired and restless, questioning what I was doing wrong.

But it turns out it doesn't depend on me. It. doesn't. have. anything. to. do. with. me. God chose me. He loves me. He has saved me. He stands by me and is faithful to me even when I run from Him. He carries me, covers me, and has a plan for me. Freshman year, sophomore year, and the summers in between were great, but they are only a part of that plan. And if I keep looking back I miss the new things God is doing right now. God had a plan for this past year too but I missed it. I don't want that to happen again. I had this moment of feeling like God said to me in a stern, yet loving way, "You just missed what I wanted for you. I want to create something new in you, not just re-do what I already did". 

Praise God for giving second chances! Although I realized I had been doing everything wrong, I also realized how to do it right. I need to be present. That phrase is used so much that it's pretty empty, but really think about it. Be present. If we quit obsessing over the past (whether great or horrible) and just chose to live today, things would be quite different. "Give us today our daily bread", not yesterday's stale, moldy bread. There is fresh new bread for today. There is grace and adventure and joy in today. Instead of trying to force Him into my own agenda for my life, I want to submit completely to His plan for me. God wants to work a new thing in my life and I don't want to miss it.
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Being ignorant of the righteousness of God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes. - Romans 10:3 

For we hold that one is justified by faith apart from works of the law. - Romans 3:26

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
    from him comes my salvation.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken. - Psalm 62:1